I have my days...

Stupidly, I thought I was better. I thought I had told myself that there was nothing we could do, that we had no choice, that we made the right decision. But then I went to the supermarket by myself yesterday, and it was the first time I had been ALONE alone since William was born. I spent most of the trip around the supermarket with my hand clasped over my mouth, trying not to scream.
I was talking to one of my friends today, trying to word how I feel. I'm a logical person, so I need to have reason for things. I like to be able to see cause and effect and this is a situation that I just don't understand. And it sucks. I wish I could say that we did something wrong to cause this, so we could avoid this again. But we can't, we have to just accept that life is unfair and that this happened for no good reason other than God's plan.
I found a prayer online today that is for understanding, and I really liked it. This is a short post, but I feel like this is a good way to end.